How to win friends and influence people?

This is a note taken from Dale Carnegie’s famous book “How to win friends and influence people”.

Phase I:

  • Don’t criticise, condemn or complain.
  • Give honest and sincere appreciation.
  • Arouse in the other person an eager want.

Phase 2: How to make people like you

  • Become genuinely interested in other people
  • Smile
  • Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language
  • Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
  • Talk in terms of the other person’s interest
  • Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.

Phase 3: How to win people to your way of thinking

  • The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it
  • Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, ‘You’re wrong’
  • If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically
  • Begin in a friendly way
  • Get the other people saying ‘yes,yes’ immediately
  • Let the other people do a great deal of the talking
  • Let the other people feel that the idea is his or hers.
  • Try honestly to see things from the other persons’s point of view
  • Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
  • Appeal to the nobler motives
  • Dramatise your ideas.
  • Throw down a challenge

Phase 4: How to change people without giving offence or arousing resentment

  • Begin with praise and honest appreciation
  • Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly *
  • Talk about your own mistakes before criticising the other person *
  • Ask questions instead of giving direct orders
  • Let the other people save face.
  • Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be ‘hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise’
  • Give the other person a find reputation to live up to *
  • Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct
  • Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest *
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